The Eternal Questions of an Old Maid

I am an avid reader of Jane Austen. There is something about her writing and stories that draw me to them. Although her language is flowery and sometimes difficult to read, her stories (considered six of the best books ever written in the English language) are timeless. Obviously any girl who has seen one of the many versions of Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Sense and Sensibility or even the movie Clueless (based on Sense and Sensibility) knows this. My favorite Jane Austen book is Persuasion, the story of love lost, eight years of loneliness and enduring love, and love rediscovered. The language of this story draws me in. The pain and confusion of the main character speak to me; it seems I am forever in that state. The love letter at the end of the book, "You pierce my soul..." Wow. That's all I have to say about that. I've read it over and over. I've dreamed about reading those words, only addressed to myself. Who hasn't? Of course, then I have to think, "Wait. Why hasn't that happened to me?" I'm not the first one to feel this way. Let me refer to another 19th Century writer of love stories:

Love and Friendship

Love is like the wild rose-briar
Friendship like the holly-tree--
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms
But which will bloom most constantly?
The wild rose-briar is sweet in the spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again
And who will call the wild briar fair?
Then scorn the silly rose-wreath now
And deck thee with the holly's sheen,
That when December blights thy brow
He may still leave thy garland green.

Emily Bronte (1818-1848)
1939

I have heard that love is friendship on fire. We also hear that we should marry our best friend. Well, does that mean that a friendship should have immense passion in it or does love grow slowly, like the embers of that same fire? How do you know when you are "in love" with someone? How do you know when it reaches that point where you could be with this person for the rest of your life or eternity? Or do I trust the fictional writings of Jane Austen and wait for my Mr. Darcy to whisk me away? What is the constant in the equation of love? What is the secret to a long marriage of strength, hardship and happiness? I guess the biggest questions are, why can't I find it and do I look for the rose or the holly? Which one brings lasting happiness?