Dead Duck

...literally.

Which of my neighbors ran over one of the clique of ducks that loves to walk across the street from one field to another? I saw his limp body being picked at by rodents on the road this morning and it made me feel sad, as I had waited patiently for him to cross the road, just the other night.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Which also happens to be the third anniversary of my brother's death. I don't have any pics of him on this computer, which makes me even more sad...to think that I haven't even had this computer long enough to have his picture on it. I downloaded one from facebook, so it isn't the best quality.

I miss you everyday, Andrew. You were my best friend, my protector, my shoulder to cry on and the only one better at getting into mischief than I was. I miss running errands with you and harassing you early in the morning to get you out of bed to come play with me, the late night chats on the loft and hugs, even though I said I didn't want them. I miss the family trips where you and I were the ones goofing off, going for motorcycle rides with your trying to scare me, just hanging out and playing games. I especially miss watching all of the cheesy made-for-tv Christmas movies with you. I can't believe that we watched "Eloise at Christmas" when we were in our mid-twenties. How nerdy were we?

I still sometimes cry in the shower when I remember that you're gone...for now. Until we meet again.

Birthday Present

I guess we watch way too much "Project Runway," because this is what Todd wanted. I searched and searched for a good beginner machine. My mom was actually the one who found this one for me. Her present to him was sewing lessons.

Todd's Birthday

Since the time that I met Todd, he has told me that he isn't into the whole holiday thing and that birthdays don't really matter to him. AND since the beginning, I have told him that they DO matter to me. Heck, I even celebrate my half birthday (next Thursday), although he refuses to celebrate it with me.

What I have learned through my own experience is that nobody truly dislikes the holidays. What they don't like, is being let down by them.

I first realized how true this was on Halloween. Todd was actually excited about some of the decorations we did this year and has already started planning his modifications and elaborations for next year. I saw it again yesterday, on his birthday.

I have been sick for the past week with the H1N1 flu and it has gone into viral pneumonia. There's really not much I can do about it besides take it easy and drink a lot of fluids, but originally I had quite the fever and was contagious. This made it a risk for me to follow through on any of my plans that I had made for Todd's birthday. Thankfully, my sister and some great friends helped with taking balloons and candy to his work and following through with his surprise "Friday the 13th Birthday" party.

It all turned out well, thanks to them, although I wasn't there to see it. I do know that he didn't get home from playing games until the wee hours of the morning, so I am sure he had a blast. I was amused, however, when Todd came home from work and was like, "Wait, where's my present? Isn't there going to be a party?"

So, like I said, nobody truly dislikes the holidays as long as they know that they won't be let down. And, Mom, if we give him enough time, he may even come to like desserts.

Inner Beauty

Can I tell you that I will never again buy a Cover Girl makeup product? The reason why, you ask? As part of an ad for an ageless cream base their spokesperson, Ellen Degeneres, makes the statement that "inner beauty is important, but not as important as outer beauty."

Am I just not getting the ad? Or are they REALLY and SERIOUSLY putting that out there. That's fantastic. *please note the very obvious sarcasm*

AND to top it all off, their spokesperson is Ellen, who I cannot stand. I can't support her or Cover Girl's and her message. It makes me sick. Looking your best on the outside is very important, but inner beauty is far more important.

Happy Birthday, Austin

Yesterday was Austin's birthday, which amazingly fell on one of our visitation days. It is not often that we have the kids on their birthdays, even when we are scheduled to have them. So even though part of our weekend got traded away, we were excited to have Austin on the day. He and Todd went to the Nickelcade (owned by Becky Muir-now-Bradford's family) and spent some time there and then back to my parents' house for presents and cake.

It was hard to get Austin to give me any ideas for presents, so I kept telling him that I was going to buy him underpants for his birthday if he didn't give me any ideas. So (I think I'm so funny), we wrapped some new underwear and gave them to him first, while keeping the other gifts hidden. Don't worry, we were quick enough to get him his other gifts so that he wasn't devastated, but it sure was funny when he opened that first gift.

ALSO, Jenny made a fabulous cake. It totally looked like a real baseball cap. The brim was made of fondant (that part was me) and Jenny used her round cake pan to create the rest. It turned out very cute.

Next up is Todd's birthday weekend this weekend. The only pro about the kids' weekend being partially traded, is that it means that we get them this Sunday, for Todd's celebration. I'm not certain of the last time that the kids were allowed to come to Todd's birthday, so we're stoked that they get to be involved this year...stay tuned find out what great present we got him.

Harry Potter and the Cause

During the first part of the Harry Potter craze, and just before the first movie came out, I was oblivious. I remembered Keeley's dad telling us that we should read the books, but I never took the initiative.

Because I worked at the movie theater during the first release, it was a BIG deal. I borrowed the first four books from a coworker and read them in about a week. They were quite good, and I was finally understanding what all the hype was about. So I have stayed up with the additional movie and book releases.

Recently, Kailey started getting really into HP and so has been reading all of the books. She is currently at the end of number 5, just in time for the sixth movie to be released. She has also been rewatching all of the other movies (we have most of them on DVD) so I knew that she would be really excited to go see the movie at the theater (we are cheap and waited for it to hit the dollar theater, which we will NOT be doing with New Moon).

I have to admit, that number six was not my favorite of the book series. Maybe it was because my roommate, who admittedly never liked me (something I never understood given that we actually hung out quite a lot), was my reading companion for that book, or maybe because it just seemed to drag on and on. Anyway, I wasn't stoked for the movie, but felt I needed to see the series out and wanted to see it with Kailey, who would appreciate it.

So here's what I took from it:
I MISS having a real purpose in life. Funny that this would be my main take on the movie, which I did end up enjoying. I now remember that I had that same inclusive feeling when I read the books. Like I was really involved.

It made me think, though. This past year has been one of the few times in my life where I haven't really been working toward a cause, or some event in my life. Yes, I have been job hunting and working on getting my insurance license, but this was a very solitary quest for me and I just don't feel a part of anything bigger than myself (not including my marriage/family, of course).

For instance, take HP and his friends, they are involved. Involved in school, in being social at school, in saving the world, whatever. But as I was watching the movie, I just had that longing feeling; wishing that I had somewhere or something like that. Even with doing the insurance thing, it still leaves me at home. By myself. Forcing myself to move forward.

Soooo...I am looking for a cause. Let me know if you have any ideas. I'm open to anything. Well, within reason.