Wedding Woes

Wow, getting married is crazy. Interestingly enough it is not the plans as much as people around me. Lately, I have realized that being one of the last friends to get married really sucks and also that people have a tendency to do mean things when you are supposed to be coming up on one of the happiest days of your life.

When I think about all of the wedding excitement I have shared with so many friends it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to realize that either they don't share that same excitement for me, or that they are too far away to do anything about it. I am among the last of my friends to get married, all of who I have hosted a wedding shower for, done hair, worked with their mothers to accomplish plans (in some instances putting my life on hold), flowers for some, scrapbook pages for others, etc. Hundreds of dollars and hours of work.

Now, I am not begrudging the things I have done for others. I did those things because I wanted to show how much their friendship means to me and I wanted to show support. I also don't want to obligate any of my five readers to do anything they wouldn't normally do. It is just something that has been on my mind as of late, especially since my own sister doesn't seem to care. The sister I am supposed to be closest to seems not to care about me at all lately, skipping my graduation, my birthday and the family wedding shower that it was painfully obvious my mother was forcing her to co-host. Most of these things are once-in-a-lifetime things that force me to plead... why can't we just be happy for each other when good things happen?

In conjunction with that question is of course the difficult time that Todd's ex-wife is having with everything. They have been divorced for 6 years (give or take) but it is still hard for her to see him happy, and especially to see him move on, as it would be for anybody. She has been pretty supportive about everything, and I feel that we have gone out of our way to help in this transition. In the year and a half that I have been friends/dating Todd, I have made sure to volunteer to help in many ways, taking the kids when it seems like she needs a break, making sure to approve most everything that we do by her, running errands for her regarding the kids, taking them to buy glasses, spending money on all sorts of things that she used to have to spend money on, picking them up from things and volunteering to watch them so that they don't have to go to daycare during the times when they are off-track from school. All of this originally because I empathize with the plight of a single mother and lately because I am trying to step into the role of the step-parent without too many waves (not possible, btw). I am not meaning to toot my own horn, but only using this to describe why I would be shocked that out of all the times she could have asked, it is now that she demands more child support. Now when I am still jobless, we are transitioning into a new house and a new marriage, and there are extra expenditures that normally would not be an issue.

It is really hard for me to realize that I cannot have my own life with my husband, that regardless of what I want and what I do, there will always be another woman, a past and a family that will affect my life, dreams, goals, geography and finances. This loss of control is really hard for me. I guess that just goes along with the territory of being the second wife, a title I had never aspired to, but fell into... but that is a whole other blog.

So, there are my wedding woes. I guess I should feel lucky for how few there are. Most everything else has fallen into place beautifully and as of yet I feel as though I have avoided bridezilla status.