Friday, February 13, 2009

The Many Stages of Unemployment

We often learn or hear about the many stages of grief that an individual will go through during times of loss and hardship; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Well, here are the 6 stages of unemployment:

1. Disbelief- Seriously, how could I not be a valuable enough employee for my company to keep, even if they did downsize to less than half their original size. Or if you recently graduated like myself...I just paid how much for my education and I haven't been offered a killer job, yet?

2. Recharge- Ok, ok...I've saved a little bit of money. I'll be alright. I can use a little time off to sleep in and do all of the projects that I have been putting off. Maybe I'll watch a bit of TV.

3. Laziness- Wait, what projects did I leave undone? I'm pretty sure that another rerun episode of Seinfeld is on. I'll do it later...and later...Whoops, let me wipe these potato chip crumbs off of my chest (or newly developed beer belly if you are a dude).

4. Depression- Wow, I'm pretty sure that I have officially received more rejection letters than the number of resumes I sent out. Nobody wants me. Nobody loves me. I'm not even getting out of my pajamas today. What is the use.

5. Insanity and Madness- Another resume! I must send out another 50 resumes before the day has ended! I need a job. Why the dirty doesn't anyone want me?! I am freaking fantastic. Can't they tell?

and finally...

6. Acceptance- Well, I will get a job when I get a job and in the meantime I will just do what I need to do to stay afloat. I no longer fit in my interview suit due to inactivity and potato chips, ice cream, peanut butter in my ice cream and other comfort foods, but that is ok, because nobody wants me anyway.

These stages are a natural part of the unemployment process and we suggest that you support your loved ones as they phase through joblessness by making certain that they always have plenty of potato chips, ice cream and peanut butter in their homes. And please...we ask you to always let them know when they have gone too long without a shower. We all need to do our part in the fight against air and scent pollution.

For those of you who are interested in hearing about my latest job interview at the Reverse Logistics Conference down in Las Vegas...well, this is the longest interview of my life. There is still a little indecision, but I have been told that I am currently their best option...by far. I'll let you know when I know. You may hear me singing in the streets if it is a yes. I'll be singing the Hallelujah Chorus.

1 comment:

Tamaran said...

We'll keep praying that you hear back from Reverse Logistics (I'll be listening for the singing!).

How is the house coming? Have you finished the tree/pics that you wanted to put on the wall by the stairs? I am really excited to see how it turns out.