Year Four

You would think that eventually the dates of our losses would fade from our memories and we would only remember the times that we spent together with loved ones who have passed/moved on. Unfortunately, that isn't how it works.

I was only a few hours into today when I saw the date and had the poignant feeling of loss. It has now been 4 years since Andrew died. The days get easier in between, but when this day comes around each year, the wound feels fresh, as if no time has passed at all.

The tiny memories have started to disappear, only surfacing during random moments of reflection. Sometimes I remember the sound of his laugh; other times I can no longer hear it. There are days where I'm sure I can smell him and feel him there; other days when I only feel the emptiness of the absence of his presence.

It seems weird to me that I have been married for a couple years now and my husband and brother have never met. They would have been good friends. I know this, because they are both dorky enough to laugh at all, well most, of my jokes and goof off with me. Both have dared to dance all crazy with me. Both have been willing to care for me when I am sick or just plain lazy and both are my best friends.

I now realize that I sometimes took our friendship for granted, and that hurts, because I didn't cherish it completely when I had it. I always figured that he would be here with me, regardless of where life took us. I just didn't realize that life would take him away.

I'll never make that mistake again.