Andrew--warning this may be long.

Today is the two year anniversary of my brother's death. Originally it was thought to be self-inflicted (a story nobody believed), but due to a ridiculous excuse of an investigation done by the Provo Police which had too many flaws to make sense, we did our own investigating. We still don't know what happened exactly, but we know there was someone else in the room who had to have been standing right next to him and that he had probably been drugged.

My parents have tried everything to redeem his name and have the report marked at least as an accidental death, but apparently in this case the dead do not have the same rights as the living. He was not given a fair investigation, and although we can prove that his death is not self-inflicted, it still shows suicide on the official report.

I guess in my own little way, I want to be able to show the world how great of a guy my brother was. I am going to celebrate his memory by sharing a few of the experiences we had and the best things about my baby brother.

1. Andrew was probably one of the most empathetic people that I have ever known. He truly could feel what other people felt. He may not have always known what to do about it, but I remember his holding me as I cried on his shoulder and when we were little and I got in trouble, he would cry for me.

2. We always played together. It didn't matter what age we were. Our friends would get together when we were in high school and play laser tag almost every weekend. We ALWAYS had fun.

3. During the years when it was just he and I who lived at home we went on road trips with out parents quite often. I remember driving late at night, listening to Louis Armstrong sing "What a Wonderful World" and Andrew and I taking turns trying to imitate Louis' low gravely voice as we sang along to the song. It is still amazingly soothing to listen to jazz while driving late at night.

4. I was sick with food poisoning and didn't have the strength to get up the stairs to my room. He found me at the bottom of the stairs and carried me up to my bed.

5. Randomly we would run errands with each other. I would bounce on his bed to wake him up, saying "get up, get up, get up, get up..." over and over again. He would wake up and come do whatever it was that I wanted to do.

6. He always changed my oil and my brakes for me.

7. The first time I tried using eyeliner I went out and asked what he thought about it. Well, actually I asked if he thought I looked like a hooker. His response? "half and half."

8. He was never above wrestling. In the later years he always won, but I blame that on his being taller than me.

9. He let me practice learning to cut hair on him. Not like it was hard to do with his short haircut.

10. He was never afraid to tell someone that he loved them, nor was he afraid to show it.

11. We always watched all the cheesy family channel movies together, laughing at the same jokes.

12. He and I and my parents would sit on the loft talking until 3 in the morning. We always talked about everything, well almost everything.

13. We LOVED to watch movies together. When we were little we would watch Thoroughly Modern Millie and rewind the part where the apple shrivels over and over again. We also watched the Ewok Adventure all snuggled up in blankets with our knees to our chests because it was so scary.

14. We always fought over who got the most of my mom's pie. We both wanted the extra piece. Of course I also blame him for my eating so fast all of the time. I had to beat him to dessert for the pie.

15. The last day he came swimming with me in 65 degree weather because I wanted him to, we watched old Home Improvement reruns together, laughing hysterically and when he left he gave me a big wet kiss on my cheek just to annoy me. I said, "Just you wait. I'm going to get you back for that."

I miss him. He was my best friend. He would have loved my husband, and we all would have had so much fun. I wish there was something that I could do for him even now as I remember the hard times and the fun times. He always did so much for me. I just have to remember that he is watching down on me and laughing at all the same jokes. He's just waiting for me to come home.